“And we sang our song for the little thing
Magic call, but the joy you bring
Running it down the line
Wish you could find that love is a fragile thing
Magic call from a pretty thing
Maybe it might be time
For a better day.”- Avicii

There are an incredible amount of tough moments when going through a divorce. Even after it’s all said and done, there are so, so many hard days. You have those moments when you realize that’s it. It’s over. Everything you built up, that you worked on- it’s not happening anymore. Life as you imagined it has changed forever.

But my hardest day was the day I signed it all away.

When I was going through all of it- the decision to end, the couch hopping, moving, sharing the news with friends and family- I guess it just didn’t fully sink in that it was final- because it technically wasn’t. But let me tell you, when you’re sitting with these papers in front of you, and you know that at that moment- at that single moment- when the ink hits the paper- it’s done- that’s a moment. It’s almost like your life flashes before your eyes. When we met. (S) College. (a) Dating. (r)  The proposal. (a) Moving in. (h) The planning. (R) The wedding. (o) The dog. (s) The house. (s) And. Now I’m no longer married.

I honestly didn’t expect it to hit me that hard, but it really is a pretty insane thing. When you break up with someone, yes, you decide to break up, and it’s done. But the act of signing something and officially ending it is pretty powerful.

It’s also pretty powerful because it signals the day, at least for me, that promised better days.

I remember leaving my lawyer’s office in a daze. But then, I opened the door, and it was like this fresh, cold air pushed my chin up, and there it was- downtown. This new life. I went back to work and was greeted by a bottle of red wine. I met friends for dinner that night and was greeted by laughs. I went home and was greeted by love (in the form of snail mail- I’m sorry, but it’s still one of the best ways to show you care).

Yes. I had signed to an end of something that meant so much to me. But I had signed to start something that would mean so much to me. I’m grateful for that hardest day because it makes me so grateful for the better days.